Roll around in the muck and the grime.. throw out your beliefs and climb.. climb.. climb….

We create our humble beginnings and reflect on the history that we define.. curled up in a ball in a cave during the storm.. shadows from the fire licking the walls… we are completed when we fail under the weight of our own creation.

These are just words.. spoken so that I might be able to comprehend some sense of a linear progression. I am not sure what I am trying to say.. and that doesn’t always translate that well to you, the reader… I can type anything.. I can type anything that crops up in my mind.. but I am limited in my approach because you have to understand what I am saying.. it serves no one when the words and the sentence structure are just too convoluted.. or the words are just too random and have no flow.

I wished that my words could find you.

I wished that they would be able to shine their own light.. but I am the one responsible for giving them energy.. and this energy is only created through an understanding of the work.. and understanding of myself.. it is fundamental.

So, where do I go from here..

a minute into the process.. I am beginning to get lost in my mind.. where the words come out like a dream.. jumping without clarity.. jumping without any definition or rhyme. All I have to do is interpret my own dream.. all I have to do is begin to understand myself better to be able to communicate more effectively..

But

how do I even start when I don’t know what I am trying to convey..

the words that are all in my head are baked into a memory that I don’t fully understand.. so, do I wait for the road to clear? Do I stand and meditate until the fog rolls away…? I have to grasp.. I have to reach my hand out one inch at a time.. the clouds will continue to roll. The fog will continue to smother..

I have to create my own light through the energy of the moment.

I have to begin like this is the right step in my mind…

I have to have the faith that the words will resonate with the collective conscious…

those are the steps that I started taking years ago.. and I have stayed on a path that has only continued to reward me for my sensitivity.. my awareness.. my reflections… my gratitude.. my persistent efforts to connect with the world.. to love the people around me.. to speak love… and to love myself in the process.

I blush in my mind. I am embarrassed to be called out. I seek to protect my mind with pre-conceived notions of structure and definition that have been created for me. I seek to protect my mind through comfort. I have to be ok knowing that this, too, is part of the process.

I am not sure where I am going but I recognize that fighting the essence of my reality and the truth of my past will fly in the face of all that I believe in.