I am so blessed.

So grateful to be alive despite all the inherent complications.

Meaning is provided when the backdrop is suffering. Beauty is given meaning through the dark and vile. I have to turn my head in the direction of the light. I have to remember that we create this reality around us.

Each step, each thought, each word we utter… they are under our complete control when we start to recognize that

we are 100% responsible for the life that we create.

I am wondering what I want to do next. There is something to be learned in the persistence of the work ethic.. maintaining a hunger.. maintaining a thirst for the productive aligned with love.

I am aching for answers. Not much has changed.. typing away my anger and frustrations.. hoping to level with this shame.. hoping to create a place where I can be at peace with the mind that is designed to be restless.. created to be free.. created to push the boundaries of ourselves..

We are not in this alone.. in fact, we never were and never will be.

We create everything we see..

an open eye… the universe looking back at itself in a mirror.

We are this galaxy.. getting pulled in to the center of a black hole as we discover the self and recognize that there is a seemingly infinite number of other, self-aware beings that exist in the universe.. we are not alone.. or maybe that is just a hope.. potentially, it should be a fear.. but we have long since grown accustomed to living the nightmare that we have created on our own.. it is as if we are reaching out for new ideas in the chaos of this reality. We want to inspect the reality on its deepest level and self-understanding is the piece of the puzzle that appears to be missing.

We have to look in all directions.

We have to search for the beginning and the end at the same time. Pursuing everything until all options have been exhausted… and then we have to comb over all of it yet again with an even higher level of focused intensity.

I love these moments of finite self-exploration.

I am learning to reflect on the sudden impulses that created the images floating in my head. I keep deleting the things that make me feel uncomfortable.. maybe the things that lack an understanding.. I want to connect.. to act as a glue.. to bring about a conversation.. and I have to be sure that the conversation makes sense. To decide if the conversation is worth having is not up to me.. because we define what we think is relevant.. we change and modify our belief structure.. we change and modify the ideas in our heads.. the memories buried deep within.. adjusting our narrative to protect ourselves from suffering.. we have to allow for some of the darkness to creep in to begin to see the beauty of the universe around us.