A budding idea.. a thought just starting to break through… hatching into the world. Reminders that we are required to surround our environments with the objects, places, images that inspire and propel us forward.
So often I have learned that I am aiming forward with one foot still clinging to hold a door open behind me.
It hurts to let it go because I am afraid that I will need to come back. I am afraid that the path that I am on is a detour and I will have to retrace my steps. This is all bullshit. This is all in my head.
As long as I am into something that resonates with the atmosphere that I have created for myself, the only fault will be in my hesitation.
That is probably the second scariest word in the English language (for me)… next to ‘apathy,’ ‘hesitation’ is the one thing that I occasionally do that results in so much wasted time… so much wasted energy and pain… increasing the struggle in the world around me for no other reason than to create drama where it is not necessary… as if looking for support in a safer path… temporarily finding peace… but it is fleeting… it is gone by the morning… and I am left wondering what went wrong… what outside source had its hand in my failure… when I was solely responsible for the reality that I created.
Gradually owning up to more and more of the world and the responsibilities of the reality that I create around me.
It has to be about enjoying the process… an honest pleasure in the approach… a sustainable joy that you get from diving into your work… a project… I’ve been finding that I am most motivated by work that challenges me in a team and a solo work environment. I am still figuring all of this stuff out as I go along but the progress is visible.. and my determination remains resilient in the face of friction.
Keep digging.. keep breathing.. one breath at a time… slowly contemplating the approach.. l recognizing that there is so much value in the planning aspect of my future… and knowing that the speed in which a plan comes to fruition is dependent on the individual…
the planning process is never to be rushed…
it is to be coaxed as part of a daily ritual… teasing the beast to crawl out from the cave each day with a thinly sliced piece of meat. Over time, the beast can be tamed…. But it is easily returned to a feral state… that only works to reinforce the concept that a persistent effort is the only approach that may work effectively over the long run….
Have you ever returned from a vacation and needed a few days to get your head back on straight? There has to be a way to travel and see the world with please and joy while returning back home without feeling like we have skipped a beat… maybe it is a matter of doing a little extra work at the end of each day to keep our minds sharp… I don’t know… I haven’t yet figured it out but I believe that there is an answer out there for those of us that are willing to put forth the mental effort… and maybe that is just it… the “mental effort” of the exercise itself… we keep the channel open.
2 thoughts on “This is my 500 for 12/27/2017”
Hesitation is a frustrating thing for me because it affects all parties involved. I’ve was far too hesitant in 2017 and it caused problems not only for me but those near and dear to me.
This post got me thinking about what to do to be better so I can help those around me be better.
I am glad you see progress and admire your determination.
Thanks for the kind, supportive words, Cody. I think I learned recently that half the battle is in learning when I am actually hesitating… I used excuses and filled my calendar up with lower priorities so that I didn’t even have to comprehend the idea that I was hesitating with something. Mental gymnastics can be such a time suck! lol. Really glad to hear that you recognize the value of recognizing where you can improve yourself to be in a better position to help others.
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