It is funny and sad how I believe that my life has more significance than it does.
It is as if I am holding out for someone to give me the permission to believe that I serve a larger purpose than everyone thinks.
Caught in the loop. The reality loops back in on itself. I am watching myself type. I am looking back at what I plan to do tomorrow. The significance that I feel is full of hope for something beyond the simulation.. reaching out to feel something that is just beyond my grasp… hoping that it will give me purpose, meaning… and, again, a sense of significance that I create in my own head in order to feel worthy of remembrance….
But I have to learn to simply focus on creating a reality for myself that I would want to remember… a reality for myself that I would wish to witness… because I have access to the full spectrum of paint colors… just like the person sitting right next to me..
we choose how we paint our realities..
we choose how we will paint the story… the narrative that we will embrace as our human experience in this finite blink of a breath.
I’ve just reached the surface and I feel myself gasping for air… I am surrounded by so much slight that it is often overwhelming.. I force myself to attempt to digest the waves of mental stimuli.. swallowing a tsunami of hope, love, and hatred in an instant… and I wonder why I get confused…
A friend once told me to take bite-sized chunks… from life.. chew… swallow and repeat… I keep finding myself trying to bite off more than I can chew because I get caught in the excitement for all that could be. I get lost in the dream that I am far more capable than I have trained. And it causes me to get lost in despair.. reinforcing my own depressed thoughts because it makes it ok for me to have failed… it is almost easier to fail in these situations..
because change, growth, purpose, and direction are far scarier than sitting still.
What is my gut trying to tell me today… I have to get my head on straight.. I have to get my mind back in the game… there is something that I can learn every day… and if I listen to what my intuition is telling me, I have a huge advantage in life… an advantage in thriving.
Raise these expectations… ask for exactly what you want out of life… it will deliver when enough energy and frequency and vibrations are channeled the right way… there are hints all around us… little hints that should no longer go unnoticed… take the imitative to act when you feel yourself being pulled… recognize when your mind is preventing you from moving forward because you are paralyzed by your analysis.. rooted in fear… it is no longer something that serves you.
Move forward. Be grateful.