I wonder if I have the willpower to keep this up.
I wonder if I have the self-discipline to see this all the way through.
It is going to kick me while I am down… it is going to break my back… it will find a way to make me suffer… but isn’t that how I learn to grow… I can see the face of the infinite through the friction that aims to slow me down.
I’m practically sleeping at my keyboard and the night is just getting started… three cups of coffee deep and there is just so much left to do. Learning to keep my head up so that I can enjoy the time when I rest.
Each paragraph is slowly turning into a little mini-story all on its own. A mini-chapter in the freewrite…. Like I am automatically trying to organize my thoughts more and more… a natural progression… towards order.
Let the chaos ensue… this is the safe place… this is where the vulnerability is encouraged… the order should be muted… morphed towards disarray…
because I am aiming at getting closer to an understanding of my deepest self.
Learning to embrace the conflict… the visions in my mind… holding back the tears for the fears that will never manifest… I create this reality… we are guests in the same house.
After the sun has risen and the birds begin to fly… I curl up on the leather chair… light strikes my face… reading and writing… learning to press forward… there is a story in everything…. Because I believe that everything happens for a reason….
Sometimes it might be nothing… but that is another form of something… it is the interpretation that gives it a life that we can relate to.. it is the mirror of our reality that helps us to investigate our own thoughts…
I have to learn to dig deeper… to type… frantically… at a faster pace… but calm in my mind… a lake of frozen ice… I am losing steam.. these thoughts are starting to slow now… and I still have several blocks to cover.
Practice empathy and make it right to love. We are each other. And there is no separation in enlightenment… but that is, I think, the first time that I have used that word in these freewrites… it is such a strange word to comprehend.. because it is something like death… an experience that can never be shown… an experience that you can never return from. And the clock ticks. The fire burns. We are ALONE TOGETHER… THE WARMTH IS UP TO US.
Walk back to witness the infinite becoming.
We are just starting to recognize what is possible… and it is just pure excitement. Pure joy.. and it reminds me of the importance of gratitude… these are the exercises that I work through in my mind.. and it is paying off for me… it is resulting in a more grounded lifestyle.. one that is focused on personal progression.. one that is focused on manifesting love.