This is my 500 for 1/30/2018

I am late.. falling behind.. tired. Today was longer than I was expecting.. but I have to power through ‘til the end.


Turn on something that makes your heart pump.. listen to the twists and turns of your favorite beat.. learning something new from the same old same.


We are here to practice the things that we wish to improve. We are here to buy ourselves some shame. I am not alone in this process am I know I’ll never be the same.. because living day to day is turning out to be quite exciting.. it is turning out to be the life on the edge that I have been wanting..


I have to push myself harder.. push into the darkness and believe that I’ll come out alive.


Learn to pick fights with people bigger than you.. pick your fights and lose.. learn to always stand up despite the injustice.. learn to never back down.

I feel my skin begin to crawl.. I feel the air brush against my mind.. I am sitting here in wonder.. I am sitting here trying not to repeat the insanity of yesterday.. learning to break free from the cycle.. free from the mould. .. buying time with past indiscretion.. not sure I know what that means…

Placing hope atop the mantle.. loving the ride for all its worth.. Remember that we are in this together.. we are not the ones to shun. Practice picking up the pieces.. practice becoming the person you would follow into the darkness.. I want to lead the way but I am afraid to tie my shoes.. there are so many things that I just feel paralyzed by.. but I am doing such a good job of hiding them from myself that I swear I feel I’m fearless.

Pick at the scab and let it bleed… flex the injury and tear at your hair.. we recover in an instant when we finally break through and burst the balloon.

I’m still sitting here.. not sure what is coming out tonight.. not sure where these words were born.. but it is the structure that creates the trend…. It is the laughter that makes me want to get back up.. I am thinking that this could just be the start.. and I am not sure about tomorrow but I know about today.


There are so many things that I want to say but I swear I have repeated so many fucking times..


repeating myself.. over and over and over… there is something in this that I am waiting for.. something stopping me from moving forward with my work.. I am holding myself hostage as my mind roams the world… Are we free to be the people we want.. am I free to think for myself.. or am I trapped in my own mind because I have trained myself that it is safer this way..


How do I break free from these imaginary chains… I guess… I guess I just choose.

One thought on “This is my 500 for 1/30/2018

  1. Powering through was what I really needed in this moment. Thanks, it gave me some motivation to work through what I’m going through.

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